submission

 breaking hurts

with all my heart i want God's will. His will to be accomplished in me.
through me. for Him, by Him. to glorify Him.
i guess to turn a world upside down
God must first turn His people upside down.
tears of pain.
tears of joy.
are they same or different.
i dont know.
pain hurts
joy... doesnt...
but then this does.. because i know it is for God.
because it is His way. and i want His will done.
this gives me joy.
but it is mixed with sorrow.
sometimes the tears are quiet and trickle.
sometimes they rush forth like a torrent.
reading a new book. just downloaded.. free.
GOD has made it so i can concentrate to read again.
when i was a kid i went thru books..so quickly.
for years it has been hard to read..would take me all day to read the 1 John.
now... well maybe 45 minutes...thoughtful reading.
this is a gift from the Lord to be able to read and focus again.
such a wonderful wonderful gift.
because i would get so frustrated..or fall asleep so easily reading..
Lord does many things in the healing He performs.
i love Him so. i do not know what the Lord's will is for me.. His plan
for my life.. i know its not seven steps to a better me...
so in these tears i cling to Him. i wish He was here in bodily form
i would be clinging to His feet. His robes would be soaked with tears
and tears..and snot..because He is Jesus...
He wold let me bury my face in His robes to cry
and He would not mind the snot... i think He would welcome it.
it is with tears i was reading the intro to this book.
i know it will be good.
its my heart's desire to give everything to the Lord.
give everything to Him.
submit to Him.
to be holy. to be godly.
the total opposite of who i was before Christ
touched me. and said 
Your sins are forgiven you.

daughter Your faith has healed you.

go, and sin no more.

"Touching Godliness Through Submission" by K.P. Yohannan

below is an excerpt from the intro...

"Here and there you will find these who follow the Lamb gathering
for feeding on God’s Word and mutual encouragement.
They choose to surrender their wills to God’s authority. They feel
the sense of unworthiness as Job did when he met God . They
embrace suffering and have no will of their own—the only way
of truly being His."

weep and howl!

Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death...."
mt. 26.38

because....

.....lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. mt. 24.12


dont you feel it? does it effect you? does it hurt you..?
is your heart breaking????

or are you already gone...?

Lord dont let me be like them.. no love. please!
let me be like YOU!!! no matter how much it hurts!!!!
dont let my love... YOUR love grow cold in me!!!
dont let me be resentful and bitter!
dont let me be offended by the fiery trials meant to purify
as i watch them ignorant in themselves and what is happening!!!
please dont let me grow cold but let me love them more
even though they despise me!
please, i beg You, Son of God, Son of David! Dont let my love grow cold!
dont let me be part of the sunday crowd
but Your disciple! Your Friend whom You confide in!
not like them. not even like me... but like You.


i dont want to be a...man pleaser.. and a...
  
hard-hearted self absorbed christian
with hearts that care only about themselves and their immediate clique

ignoring the cries of the weak, and the poor...ignoring the cries of the fatherless and the widow..
instead of listening they shut their ears and go to sunday brunch and check out sales at the mall..
love grown cold...
church in need of nothing..
poor
blind
miserable
naked.
hard hearts.
loveless.
what is pure and undefiled religion?
do you know?
do you care?
or do you need new batteries for your remote...
or your iphone needs to be charged..
you have to get your pedicure
your hair done..
last weeks outfit... well its just that...time for a new one.
footballs on, i'll worry later.
games on... i'll love later...
there are starving people.
there are starving children of God.
do you care?
do  you care that hearts ache?
do you care that some children in teh church have no godly
father figure...the men only care about their own children..
if they really care about their children...hard to say...
but the LORD says by their fruit you will know them.

all you lovers of money rather than God...
weep and howl for your riches are gone! destroyed!!
where is the love you long for now?
burnt up in the fire.
just like your works of hay and stubble!

when babylon falls.... she's gonna fall hard!!
a loud weeping and mourning as if in Ramah
weeping for sons that are no more
instead they will be howling for thier lost riches
and their hungry stomachs
and the loss of their fine clothes and jewels!!!!

oh where were you when the Lord was handing out bibles and said pick up your cross,
deny yourself and follow Me.

OH!... i know...
you were at the mall...
following the latest shiny necklace...
or had your eyes glued to the TV
watching some guy in tights run down a field of fake grass
carrying a ball for an absurd amount of money
that you only dream of ever having....
or maybe you have all that money...
it will perish with you
if you dont repent and follow GOD.


Woe to you who are full, for you shall hunger. 
Woe to you who laugh now, For you shall mourn and weep.
Luke 6.25