Paul Washer Testifies to How God Always Provides

this is my favorite sermon from you tube
in a long time.
to hear Paul's diary and how he was struggling with doubts... yet he was not doubting because he was saying if God seeks not to continue this mission then He is justified..
not in those word's but i never hear much on this kind of thing..preacher's revealing how they were struggling.. maybe because they are supposed to look good in front of the flock.. i dont know.. but it gives me hope.
and makes me not feels so.. whatever ..
the part about the promises.. im going to do.. not that anyone cares by me telling them or writing this.. no one ever responds.. but thats ok.
God wants me too. and He is watching me.. He wants me to search them and pray to Him... about godliness and how He is mighty and how He is near to the weak and how He helps the poor and needy... and He will answer these when i ask and receive...
not the blab it and grab it like paul said..
this is the ask and you shall receive..
and these are things that i want. to overcome sin.
to be near to God
to see Him
to see Him show Himself strong on my behalf.
for His glory.
i dont know why im here why im on this earth
what God wants with me or for me.
but im His. alot of ppl dont think i should be. and dont want me near them.
but God... He is the One who died for me..
He is the One who washed away my sins.
He is. He is the one who took it all for me
nobody else.
i live for Him. even when He is crushing me and slaying me
and im not sure what ive done or i think im failed in sin
beyond help beyond repair beyond Him loving me..
He does.
HE is not man that He should lie.
men think they are so great and should have the say in things.
but it is GOD . and at the day of judgement we shall see what GOD says
and how GOD wants it
and how GOD makes a mighty display of HIS power
His goodness HIS glory HIS plans HIS hopes and HIS dreams
all for HIS future.
because at judgement day
all the plans of men are gone. all their dreams all their fine things
all their degrees and towers they built are all gone.
flattened. crushed. burned up.
GOD will have mercy on who He has mercy
and He will destroy who HE destroys.
it is all for Him.
not me. not you.not us.
He is kind and merciful.
im kind to my cat.
dont have to be.
God wants me to be.
buit i did not have to adopt her out of that cage.
she didnt do anything for me.
there were lots of cats in that humane society.
all cute. all furry. they all meowed.
some looked at me some did not.
i did not go there knowing aha there is a maine coon that i have wanted all my life.
i looked at so many.
i picked the one and i held it. her.
i asked Daddy... can i have her?? He said yes. and i bought her.
now.. i liked her.. because she purred...but all cats purr.
she buried her nose in my arm.. i liked that... like she felt safe with me..
she tugged my heart.. she likes me i thought.

i didnt do anything for God. good or bad. that made Him decide He wanted me..
i have no clue. He could of closed His eyes and played pin the tail on the donkey with pictures of people for all i know...
whichever picture the dart landed on.. they are saved... the rest are damned.
how do i know??
i know i did nothing. i deserve nothing
i am an utter failure of a human being in society's eyes and my own.
but because God sent Jesus to die and be the sacrifice for my sins...to appease God to not pour His wrath on me..Jesus suffered for me.
so God loves me..He loves me He sent His Son to die..
but i did nothing .. but be born on this earth. and be alive. picked out in the lottery or how ever they decided a long time ago. i still deserve nothing but wrath.
but i have the righteousness of Christ imputed to me.
i wear His robes.. you cant see them.. but they are there
and He is glorious in heaven.
He doesnt have to give nothing to me.
He gave His son.
it is hard to unlearn the teaching in america..
i still think im being punished sometimes by the situations im in
but Jesus took my punishment there is no more punishment because of Jesus
only God treating me now as a son.. daughter...
i am glad that i am not "blessed" with all the stuff other poeple have
it doenst mean im bad...it means He loves me.. stuff would send me away from Him possibly. i want to be close to Him. i dont want that STUFF
i want HIM.

The Fullness Of Jesus Christ Part 3 by Mark S Case

i pray this for the whole Body across the earth in their gatherings together..
that Christ be glorified... that believers are loyal to each other as Father and Son are loyal to each other and their love, Holy Spirit is shed abroad in our hearts..
and that believers.. and the local Body i am in..would be loyal to each other and that people will see this love..Holy Spirit.. working in us Christ in us..so He may be glorifed..and His Fullness dwell in and work in us.
That Christ may be glorifed and His name b e kept Holy and revered instead of mocked.
especially in america

Worthless Girl

are they?
one might think so...they are
for the most part ignored..
by the rich anyways....
But God,
makes the final decision... not man.

dear dear girls and boys... you are not worthless.
how i wish i could help you.
so many times i say im worthless too...
and by most standards...i am.
But God,
has the final say.
But God,
makes the final decision.
When my father and mother forsake me... then the Lord will take me up.

they forsook me.

He took me up.

Lord please send someone to tell them about Jesus
and that He will take them up.

Sarah's Trail of Blood (Voice of the Martyrs)

i have christmas lights made in china.
probably made by a brother or sister in chains
for Jesus... their love of Jesus.
i feel horrible.
forced labor.. remember when you hear of coal mines
collapsing in china.. there are brethren in those mines
imprisoned for Christ.

their life is real.
mine is lifeless...useless.
the christmas lites are the light in america
their Lights are the lights in china.

that God would have mercy on me.
how i dishonor Him.
how this western church blasphemes His name
among the gentiles.
in other countries they kill people who live for Christ.
here.. He's a bumper sticker, a t-shirt, an ornament..
here He has singles groups and and conferences
on how to get more money in His name???

im not worthy to stand before Him
or even this woman...
im vile and horrible
and i wish i could not be here... in america..
but live. truly live...
in a place like china.
american problems.. even for believers are
just so...
middle-class.
forgive me Lord.
for all i have done..
but more.. for all i have not done in following Your example.
if You will be gracious.. maybe i can live for You.. really live
with You walking in me
like You walk in Sarah.. and so many..
live in me and die in Me.. again..

slag

"Slag Pour"

What is slag?.. it is the stuff that comes to the surface during the gold refining process.

here it is being poured off where the gold remains in the vessel.

what is done with the slag ...some throw it away... people try to find it on eBay and buy it.. its left out of the gold being considered of little value.....

there are small fragments of gold that sometimes get poured out with the slag...

a smelter did not usually keep it in the B.C. times.. but, some did , do..

but God,

He takes the slag and for some vessels...

made for His use...

God will pound that slag again. He wants all of it.

He doesnt throw away the slag or leave it there in a pile to waste.

He pounds it a second time...

the first time the mined gold was ground into powder 

to be put in the fire (smelter's furnace)

and be melted.. at 1063 degrees Celsius. in a crucible...

the only earthen material able to withstand this process of refining gold

was white earth that resembled clay, called tasconium.

1063 Celsius. 

man cannot stand next to that type of heat. the flesh would burn and melt

as he tried to stir the melting gold.

God kills the flesh in this refining process...

God tries our faith...faith is a gift from God, it is only in the spirit of a born again believer.

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, 
though it be tried with fire.. 1 Peter 1.7

God's Holy Spirit is one with the believer's spirit which has been made alive

by Holy Spirit ... only the very inward part.. the inner man.. the spirit of a man united with God

could stand this fire, this burning process, this refining...

to bring out the impurities... the slag. it comes to the top, 

the gold sinks to the bottom, it is heavier.

this is that which is pure.

the genuine faith, more precious that gold.

those who will submit to His hand.. His loving hand..He will again pound that slag and fire it again.
God lets me know im being fired again.
these earthen pots made of tasconium were the only ones that could be used
for the gold refining process. the blast of air, the fire.. the intensely hot liquid inside.. the melted gold.
When the gold cools.. it is soft and pliable...
it was made for kings for jewelry, coins.. for the Romans,
Solomon's Temple was decorated with much fine gold.
God  shapes it to whatever He chooses.
for whatever use He has in mind.
He stands by the smelting pot... the tasconium...
this earthen vessel with treasure in it.
He does not leave. does not take his eyes off me.
sometimes He peers in to me even more..searching my heart
and mind and spirit to see what is there...
to test my faith. to refine me. to mould me.
to burn out the impurities.
to shape me into a vessel fit for the Master's use.
He will not cast me away.
and He refines again that slag to get every ounce of gold  out of it.
i wonder what He is making me into.
i want to be used...
i do not yet know what i will be or what i will look like.

Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 1 Jn. 3.2

i just love Him. want to be used. i will submit.. wish i had understood sooner what was going on...
but this is His way.. not mine. He could have let me known sooner..or later...it is how He wanted it.
many impurities did my flesh have...and still has because of indwelling sin...but out of the burning He gets gold. He gets genuine faith more precious than gold.
and i get to be made more pure..and to be used by Him in some way. my heart's desire, longings is to be used
by Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit..to give God glory somehow by the work He does in me.. wrought in me..and the works which He will do through me to glorify Himself.

When He is done refining i will be approved by Him.
a vessel fit for the Master's use.

Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. 2 Timothy 2.21

approved..... In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ... 1 Peter 1.7

God is Light

This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that 

God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. 1 Jn.1.5

Jesus Christ Is an Advocate for Sinners

the link is a message from John Piper.

i hate sin. i hate sin i hate it. i hate darkness. i hate the sin that indwells my flesh.

i hate the evil that is present in me. how can i live when myself.. my own body wars against my spirit.

this spirit given to me by God.. GOD indwells me..along with sin.

LORD?? how do people stand themselves? i cannot.

what do i do? i wake up feeling awful. surely i must have done some sin in my sleep. dreamed something awful

which during the day when i was awake i would have fought against and cried to You for help.

what do i do LORD? i dont know what i did. i just wake up feeling so awful.

shamed. not happy not able to do anything but say please forgive me.

i dont know what i did. please forgive me

then images try to come at me. mental disgusting things.

LORD help me.

make my mind clean make my mind new not just renewed make it new.

i despair because of sin. i do. how can i live in thes body of death

o wretched man that i am who will deliver me from this body of death?

LORD pray for me, plead my cause that im covered in Your blood.

protect me from the wrath of God. forgive me. do not pour Your wrath on me Jesus.

Lord forgive me. "if you wake up in teh morning and all is black"....piper says...

has he experienced what i have? Lord wash me.

i loathe myself and this sin that lives in me.

there is scripture that goes with this.. some of the things i ve said. i will put it in later maybe.