holidays make my heart hurt. is this only when people show each other love?
no.. because while some people are celebrating others are hurting..lonely..others die around the holidays because of loneliness it does kill.
the first thanksgiving..those "pilgrims" were greatful and thankful to be out from under the tyranny of the british rule and the CHURCH... the monarchy....
it wasnt about football games or shopping online or some getting drunk or people fighting or making jokes about each other..
it was REALLY about Jesus. it was about the Man of sorrows..our great High Priest who knew suffering and sorrow and death and could relate and is still sympathetic to our infirmities..i know this is not the right wording..paraphrase of the scripture i am thinking of... He bore our infirmities and tasted death..He took the wrath of GOD that was meant for me...and you.. upon HImself..Him who knew no sin was made sin for us.
guilt grief shame degradation.. things He never knew..had no cause to know because He was without sin. took mine upon Himself..all that ive ever done or will do...i can hardly bear my own when it happens or it is brought to my remembrance and i must repent. yet He bore it all at once..my sins that i have not yet done..were on Him. oh that i would never sin again. but He already paid for the sins. on a tree. cursed is everyman who hangs on a tree. it shoulda been me. but i could never pay for my sins. i am filthy sinner without a way to appease God. no matter how many times i would ask forgiveness and try to be better He would not forgive me had Jesus His Son not took this sin upon Him..The sinless spotless Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. i dont have enough money for milk much less to buy my way out of sin.
it was a price only Jesus could pay.
why why would you do this for me Jesus? i am looked upon by man with reproach and disgust. i am hated an misunderstood. i make mistake after mistake. i am still so messed up though You live in me?
i am not thankful for sin. i hate sin. i hate my sin i hate evil i hate everyone's sin it has caused so much suffering in theis world. i know what it has done to just one person.. me..i have seen it radiate outward and touch many..it all effects every single person on this earth because we are all one blood and all living on this cursed earth under this curse of indwelling sin in our flesh. i know apart from You there is nothing good in me. if you were not in me i would have no hope whatsoever. this world..this world..is a sorrowful place. hunger. hate. bleeding dying people..crying children. men beating women. women getting hurt. children covering their eyes and ears. people lying and stealing. adultery violence all over. thieves stealing money stealing food stealing lives forcing women and children into slavery... i could not bear to live in tehis world without You without hope of being with you one day. iguess this is what kept You going when You were in the Garde..knowing You would be seperated from Father while you bore the sin... the weight of sin of untold millions..and His wrath all at once. ultimate suffering You took...Jesus i think You could go on because You trusted Father..that He woul not leave You.that You would be reunited with Him.
i can go on because i know i will get to be with You..yet i dont want to yet i do.
because i live for You and it is Your will.
im lonely here. im lonely for You yet you are hear..putting me thru a test..hiding Your face from me..why do You hide Your face from me Lord?? i long for fellowship with believers. real..in person fellowship.. with adults..talking about You studying about You..
am i not abiding in You? is this why you dont answer? i have asked over and over please tell me what i have done. without You i cannot make it. without talking to You or hearing from You i will cry out my God my God why have You forsaken me????? yet i know You are true to Your Word for Your namesake.. you wont ruin Your Holy name.
im not worthy of you. this was a great price.. You are the pearl of great price for me.. i am not needed by you. not needed by man. why would You do this. why would You do what You did? what good am i to You.
about as good as a flea on a mouse.
Lord. i love you. i am thankful for you..if right now i said i was thankful for anything else i would be lying.
so i will not say i am thankful. for anything else. many are suffering right now without knowing you.
i am thankful for You. that You are Faithful.
someday i will have joy again. on this earth? im not sure...tribulation and suffering..i AM sure of...joy i dont know. momentary laughter..maybe...but joy will come when the Morning Star rises...when He comes to take vengeance on the earth. When i hear my Beloved call me to HIm..to come Home. when i hear the last trumpet..or before then..whenever You call me home...then i will have joy. forevermore.
no good thing dwells within me. no one seeks after God. no not one. they have all gone astray.. all turned away.. seeking their own...there is no one who does good no not one.
all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
i am thankful for You Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit.
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