Woman, why weepest thou?

i just found this treasure chest of more free books to read online.
no...since i read Broken for a Purpose i have found no purpose for my life.
although i wiash to be used of Him i dont know it will ever happen.
my life is not my own. i have no will. it is all His. but i sit in pain and sorrow
and suffering and wait for Him. it seems as thought He has shut up His ears to me
and no longer sshows His face to me.
i am in despair one moment and numb the next.
but someday i will be with Him.
this i wait for,
i know im born of the Spirit.
so God cannot lie. unless He is casting me away.. i will get to be with Him. i think i am unprofitable servant.
God says all those who come to Me i will in no wise cast out. im not sure what is going on.
but for His name's sake and His glory i beleive i will go to heaven to be with Him.
i pray He doesnt tell me He never knew me.
because i sure love Him and i have only wanted Him above all else.
so anyway here is the link to the book.."Woman, Why Are You Weeping?"
i wonder if you read it maybe you would comment. about it.
i sure would like someone to talk to..even if it is only on a blog.

Showing Jesus By Our Life

i love you Uncle Zac

a picture says a thousand words...

but really one says it all...

its real. the war is real

-if this war is real...and it IS...For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
(Ephesians 6.12)

-but the Lord has already won it...~He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
(Hebrews 2.14-15)

-yet He fights for me...The LORD your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes..
(Deuteronomy 1.30)

-stand strong and see the salvation of the Lord...
You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the LORD is with you.”
2 Chronicles 2.17

but there are so many battles.. and so many
casualties.. wounded... dying.. is there hope?
why do soldiers leave each other behind?
why are soldiers not treated equally among each other..
in this battle not of flesh and blood.. there is only One Commander..
there are no 1st Sergeants, no brass butter bars, no PFC's and no Colonels.

ONE God. One Shepherd. One Lord. ONE ARMY.
not army of one...

One Body? well who attends to the sucking chest wound...who applies gauze to the bleeding.
who applies the tourniquet? what if someone shoots their toe off? does the whole body get thrown out of the army?
where is the camaraderie? or you might say unity....
i will tell you..
it is being devoured by the enemy as one another nit pick and backbite,
gossiping and not loving.
But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!
(Galatians 5.15)
they are not letting the wounds in the body heal, but are infecting them more
and tearing off the scab re-opening the wound.
some walk with a limp.
some with crippled hands.
some with brokenness.

constant defeat on the battlefield leads to hopelessness
and despair. Paul despaired of life.
He was treated very bad by the people of God.

where is the one who will help his or her brethren? where are the Pauls and Timothys? Where are good men like Titus? Where are the modern Lydias and Tryphena and Tryphosa Where is Peter? Where is Chloe?
Where is Jesus walking now?
are christians so selfish that they will turn from the wounded
and dying with their nose in the air as if nothing is happening?




didnt Christ die for ALL HIS BRETHREN? did not Father give them too HIM?
where is the one who is not afraid of helping others? no matter who they are
or what they have done?? God has mercy...
are we not to follow in Christ's footsteps?
He did say "Follow Me." (Mark 8.34) He said "follow Me" over and over...


Tell me...is the battle against satan with the Body of Christ as one unified front able to defeat the enemy?
or is it the body of Christ fighting amongst themselves, tearing each other apart.
Agape love grows so cold...it is like ice.. and hard hearts.

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this:
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Galatians 5.14

suffer in silence

.... unanswered prayer.

fainting in my heart?
You heard me..
why did You not save me.
i was a little girl.
never given a chance at life from the moment
i was conceived.
no purity.
worse than a leper.
yet his disease was only skin deep...
mine ravaged my body
and engulfed my soul.
still i am effected.
still You have not delivered me.
though You promise too?
maybe im wrong.
no unclean thing will enter heaven.
You saved me.
what will you do with me.
i cant stand my flesh.
i cant stand myself.
and i have no more will to live.

grace to suffer well

pray for.... grace to suffer well.

this is a request for missionaries in north India trying to reach people
with the Gospel of Peace.. the name of Jesus Christ.
the only name given among men where by we must be saved. ( Acts 4.12)

what does suffer well mean?

does this mean not opening my mouth.? like Jesus?
He was led as a sheep to the slaughter; And as a lamb before its shearer is silent,
so He opened not His mouth. (Acts. 8.32)

when slandered we try to reconcile? (1 Corinthians 4.13)
Love our enemies, do good to those who hate you? (Matt. 5.43-48)

to do anything well. is to do  it like Jesus. God. He does all things well. (Mark 7.37)
so He is my example in which to suffer. Called to suffer. Chosen to suffer.
Adopted into the family of God. God is my Father.
i want to please Him.
Abba. Father. Daddy!!
And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts,
crying out, “Abba, Father!” (Galatians 4.4-7)
...you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8.15)

there is no other reason i would even think of suffering for..except my children.
and maybe another brother or sister...but we are to lay down our life for Him.
this, i will gladly do, rejoicing that i be found worthy to suffer for His Name's sake.
Lord, give me grace to suffer well.
Like You.
remember, i want to to be just like You.
with all fruits of the Spirit. You are the joy set before me Jesus.
outside the camp i was the joy set before You.
i will follow You wherever you go...
where else can i go? to whom can i go to?
there is no other i run to but You...
let it always be so Jesus.
let my heart always seek after You.
follow You, pant after You.
my soul thirst more and more for You,
Jesus. For You said,
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be filled.

please. more grace Lord. more direction Holy Spirit. more comfort please. more Love Father.
more of You Jesus. please more grace. and so much less of me. more grace. grace upon grace.
stamp eternity on my eyelids.
YOU are eternity for me.
let me see You always before me.
i pray for grace to suffer well , Jesus.

im His

"You are Mine."

He said to me in the midst of sorrow and tears over my 

wretchedness and just wanting to read the Bible.. but everything against me;

and my flesh-- enemy number one. i hate my flesh..

this battle between flesh and spirit.

But i am His. He comforted me-- GOD comforted me... me-- of all people!

..." I will put my Laws in their mind, and in their heart I will write them,
and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. ~ Hebrews 8.10