submission

 breaking hurts

with all my heart i want God's will. His will to be accomplished in me.
through me. for Him, by Him. to glorify Him.
i guess to turn a world upside down
God must first turn His people upside down.
tears of pain.
tears of joy.
are they same or different.
i dont know.
pain hurts
joy... doesnt...
but then this does.. because i know it is for God.
because it is His way. and i want His will done.
this gives me joy.
but it is mixed with sorrow.
sometimes the tears are quiet and trickle.
sometimes they rush forth like a torrent.
reading a new book. just downloaded.. free.
GOD has made it so i can concentrate to read again.
when i was a kid i went thru books..so quickly.
for years it has been hard to read..would take me all day to read the 1 John.
now... well maybe 45 minutes...thoughtful reading.
this is a gift from the Lord to be able to read and focus again.
such a wonderful wonderful gift.
because i would get so frustrated..or fall asleep so easily reading..
Lord does many things in the healing He performs.
i love Him so. i do not know what the Lord's will is for me.. His plan
for my life.. i know its not seven steps to a better me...
so in these tears i cling to Him. i wish He was here in bodily form
i would be clinging to His feet. His robes would be soaked with tears
and tears..and snot..because He is Jesus...
He wold let me bury my face in His robes to cry
and He would not mind the snot... i think He would welcome it.
it is with tears i was reading the intro to this book.
i know it will be good.
its my heart's desire to give everything to the Lord.
give everything to Him.
submit to Him.
to be holy. to be godly.
the total opposite of who i was before Christ
touched me. and said 
Your sins are forgiven you.

daughter Your faith has healed you.

go, and sin no more.

"Touching Godliness Through Submission" by K.P. Yohannan

below is an excerpt from the intro...

"Here and there you will find these who follow the Lamb gathering
for feeding on God’s Word and mutual encouragement.
They choose to surrender their wills to God’s authority. They feel
the sense of unworthiness as Job did when he met God . They
embrace suffering and have no will of their own—the only way
of truly being His."